How We Came to Have Two Mommies – and Daddies

This is something that we’ve been dealing with here at Chez Evil for a little while now. Big Girl is used to the concept of “birthmom” and “birthdad”, as we use those terms when referring to her family of origin. About six months ago, she came up with the following statement:
“I have two mommies.”
“Yes, I guess you do. And you have two daddies. S is your birthdad and Daddy is your everyday dad.”
“I have two mommies and two daddies.”

There the matter lay, until last night. In the meantime, we had bought a book by the brilliant Todd Parr. Mr. Parr is, among other things, the author of the only baby book I’ve seen that’s both widely available and even bothers to mention adoption at all. Naturally, his works have become important here.

The book we read, The Family Book, has a page in it that reads, “Some families have two mommies or two daddies.” When we got to that page last night, Big Girl piped up with an interesting observation.
“That’s just like you and M, and Daddy and S.”
“Well, not just like, luv, but I guess you could think of it that way.”

Interestingly, when we get to the page that talks about adoptive families (“Some families adopt children”), we’ve had a huge, deafening silence. I’m not sure if I should be worried about that or not.

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4 Responses to How We Came to Have Two Mommies – and Daddies

  1. ben says:

    Oh, man, this is a huge topic with us. As you know, we were foster parents before (and while) adopting our kids. They know all about it, except for the baby – since she was the last one on board, she has been sheltered from the goings on.

    But thanks to school (for one), it’s always coming up. Any time they do a family tree, or a family scrapbook / picture thing, for mothers day, etc there is always some new wrinkle.

    For now things are quiet. But it won’t be for long.

  2. spyderkl says:

    That’s something I can’t even think about…the family tree. Just can’t even consider it.

    That is something we’ll have to think about – if we adopt again, it will be from foster care. Apparently that door’s not completely shut, either.

  3. Robin says:

    We have that book by Todd Parr and like it too. It’s hard to know what Pearl thinks about these issues yet–she’s not yet 2.5 years old. But sometimes when I notice in her play that each dinosaur, choo choo, doll, whatever, has a mommy and a daddy, I do the Todd Parr speech for her. Some kids have….

    Always met with silence.

    It’s all process!

  4. spyderkl says:

    He has another good one out too – It’s OK to be Different. The Summer issue of Adoptive Families has it listed as a top pick for adoption books for young children.

    I’d think Pearl’s kind of young yet to ask a lot of questions. Big Girl’s almost 4 1/2 now, and she’s only starting to ask. I’ll bet she’s just processing it now.

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