The Desperate Kingdom of Anxiety

For the past few days (okay, 5 1/2), we’ve been without internet or wi-fi. Long story involving getting high-speed internet connections and our, um, fabulous ISP.

I had no idea how much all of us relied on our friends on the other side of the computer. Baby Bat and I for entertainment (and possible employment), and Dad Goth for his livelihood. Even his work phone was cut off (his office uses VOIP).

Long story short – social anxiety sucks. A lot. I have a bit of a difficult time with people IRL. Okay, more than a bit. Most of the time it’s all I can do to smile and say hello to a total stranger. It’s just as bad when it’s somebody I know, unless I know them well. I think those people could be counted on the fingers of one hand. I really felt isolated more than ever with the internet gone.

I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with that. Medications have helped some things, but haven’t really done jack for my social anxiety. Some non-medication things (like CBT charts, “emergency kits”, etc.) that I learned in the hospital have helped. But when you’re in the middle of an Event, it’s damn hard to remember those things.

I keep trying, just the same. The alternative is something I can’t think about right now.

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