The Monster That We Don’t Talk About

Trigger warning: the following post deals with depression and suicide.

Normally I like monsters. I enjoy the hell out of monster movies, primarily because they are not real. But there are some monsters out there – literal and figurative, human and otherwise. In fact, I’ve written about this particular monster before.

Depression is a horrible thing. I’ve likened it before to a monster that is like a black hole. With razor-sharp teeth and claws, it takes away everything that you have. The things you love to do. The people you love to be around. Every single bit of joy in your life, swallowed up by that…thing.

For some people, depression ends in suicide. Today (at least it’s still today in the US) is National Suicide Prevention Day. Both DadGoth and I have battled depression and suicidal thoughts in the past. We’re both doing well; I’m not writing today ta talk about us.

I’m here to talk about a couple of people who meant a lot to us. We’ll call them Terry and Matt.

Terry was a beautiful, sensitive kid. When we first met, he was 12. All dressed in his metal-head finest, and still a beautiful kid. He was pretty introverted, as I remember. We talked a little about metal bands (he was wearing a Motorhead shirt). At the end of the day, he gave both of us a hug. We never saw Terry again.

DadGoth and I both asked about him over the years. He graduated high school, had a son with his girlfriend that he was helping to raise. He was alive.

Then one day, he wasn’t. He blew his brains out (quite literally, I hear) with a shotgun.

Matt was somebody we hadn’t met. He was DadGoth’s step-cousin. Very young guy – a little round, a little effeminate. More than a little – his stepfather and uncles were pretty ruthless with their, um, teasing.

Not long after Terry’s death, we got word that Matt jumped off a bridge. He left notes for his girlfriend, his parents. I think both of these happened within a 2 month period.

I wish we could have talked to them, especially Terry. He was my favorite of DadGoth’s cousins and I miss him often. I wish they both could have had somebody to talk to. Maybe it would have happened anyway. But maybe not. Maybe having somebody to talk to can make a difference to someone seriously considering suicide. It helped me.

If you are thinking about suicide yourself, or are concerned about a friend or family member, here are a couple of numbers I want to share. The first is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK(8255). The second is The Trevor Project Lifeline, for LGBT young people considering suicide: 1-866-488-7386. Both numbers are staffed with people who will listen and be there for as long as you need, 24/7/365.

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