Once upon a time, this blog was called Evil Mommy. It was about our adoption of our now-10-year-old and life as older parents. Sometimes other things, like politics, feminism and assorted rants. But not especially often. I mentioned a little bit about how that change came to be on this page, where there’s an explanation about how the name came about. But I thought I’d write about that today.
When I originally began this blog, I was experiencing post-adoption depression. I truly believed what I wrote back then. M went through her own mental health issues, and I can’t speak for those or for her. These were mine. Believing that I was a terrible parent because I didn’t give birth to the love of my life; and because I was a terrible parent, I was a terrible person. I was also considerably older than any of the parents around us; certainly when we lived in town that was true, and out here as well. Plus I was (still am) an aging Goth/positive punker who has moved away from some aspects of the “scene” and hasn’t given up others. Not quite the same as the other parents.
Writing helped with getting some of those feelings out. Time, counseling and meds helped too. Getting to know people online who I have more in common with than people nearby – that also helped. Seeing myself as someone worth being around took a long time. I’m still working on that one.
So now I’m just me.