With this being National Adoption Month, I’ve been thinking about our adoption lately. I think about it all the time, surprisingly, but it gets a lot of my attention every November, February and April for reasons only obvious to our family. If you need to know why, you already know.
Thinking about all the things I could have done differently:
- I wouldn’t have been quite so quick to listen to other people. By “other people” I mean the so-called experts who should have known better, but didn’t or didn’t say anything different. For example, when we got the sage piece of advice, “If you give a piece of information out, you can’t take it back,” I think I might have been quicker to go ahead and tell A’s other family where we lived. Or given them our land-line phone number with CallerID enabled. Things like that, that only happened later instead of right away.
- At the same time, I would have asked for more help. At least I’d like to think I would. Now that it’s written down, I really don’t know who I could have trusted at the time. I could not have asked my social worker. I did try once or twice to ask my mother and sister for help, but that didn’t happen.
- I would have liked to know that M got the help she needed. I’m not sure that she felt like she had anyone to ask either. Lots of people in our society, including the people who are paid to care about birthparents, would rather they just went away after the baby is with their other family. That’s cruel and monstrous, I think. Any kind of help at all, including somebody calling once a week just to ask, “are you okay?”, would have been huge and might have prevented some of the things that happened later. I don’t know for certain. But it would have been a good thing indeed.
There’s plenty more that I’d like to say about this. But I think it’s better to stop here for now.